- T.S. Eliot
Knee deep in the New Year and I feel like I'm only just catching up.
Towards the end of last year, I kept myself tied together with fraying knots and anxious tension. The holidays came and I blew towards them, ready to collapse and cry and breathe. Instead, I found myself feeling numb. Not in a bad way, but in a way I did not recognise of myself.
The knots loosened but stayed fastened, regardless of the wine, and worried looks and wringed hands. I looked at the day before next year as my opportunity to sink the year that nearly sank me. When it arrived so swiftly, I surprised myself by stepping back.
The freedom of no direction sometimes confuses itself with the fear of no purpose. I am the person who longs to be moored, to know my place, my intention. I know I am willing myself to move on but something tells me I haven't learned the last of my lessons from 2014.
New Year's resolutions don't always have to be about not being good enough as you are. They're a checkpoint - pause, take stock and reflect on what we value most. This year, I'm taking an extra breath, pulling ashore and listening for this year's voice to call.
I'm wading aimlessly, cautiously into 2015. Waiting until my unconventional New Year springs itself on me and launches me passionately to new destinations.
